And baby makes 5!

Well friends, it's been awhile since I have updated my blog, partially because after all the "dust settles" on the excitement, stress, wonder, and glory of adoption, life pretty much becomes business as usual. I guess I have not really embraced blogging the "boring" events of daily living. But things are about to become really, really exciting around here again. Let me give a little background on the behind the scenes of the last 6 months or so.

While the first year home with Elijah had it's stresses and challenges, mostly related to bonding, changing family dynamics, and sibling rilvary (albeit mostly friendly) the second year truly has been going well. Kids are both potty trained, getting along well, and as parents our initial struggles with bonding have resulted in deep, true parental love for our son. Things were going great! Ordinary, routine, wonderfully well. And with that, a little thought started to creep into my heart. Quiet at first, and then a little louder week by week. First, I ignored it. Then, I started to venture online again (uh oh). "Your family is not complete. There is a daughter for you waiting." So I started to look at photolisting on Rainbowkids.com, a photolisting focusing on children with special needs. What I quickly discovered is that "special needs" in America means a totally different thing in the realm of adoption. Images of severely disabled children with significant physical and mental handicaps is what I previously had imagined special needs to mean. What I quickly discovered is that something as simple as a cleft lip, long since repaired and healed, qualifies as child as special needs. An extra finger, a cardiac murmur, or lazy eye. Simply being a boy, or of toddler age. Otherwise healthy children, as a result of "special needs label" are being passed over for adoption because most people, including myself, were too afraid to consider them. Education is a wonderful thing. It opened my mind and heart to the possibility of a child with such a label. This is not to ignore the children who do have more significant handicaps or consider them any less in need of a loving, safe family to call their own. Thank God there are people who answer the call to care for these children, but there are many families who are not in a position to take on the huge responsiblity of a special needs children due to their current family situation. But those same families who might not be able to parent a child with more severe disabilites may find they are willing and able to consider a child with the special needs "label" if they learn what that label really means. (So if you've never considered special needs adoption, I urge you to educate yourself and reconsider!!)
After several months of looking at listings, requesting more info, and learning more about special needs adoption programs available, I felt like I had put a boat in on a lazy river, and the rapids were picking up. I sent off for another copy of my birth certificate "just in case". I ordered the background checks for my husband and me. Made medical appointments. Bought- gasp- a binder. Red one at that. (Lucky color in China) The current was getting swifter. Unfortunately, at this point, I was in to boat by myself. My husband was not convinced. I kept praying "God, if you want me to travel this road, you know I can't do it alone. Please change my husband's heart and make him happy about this idea!" The kids were certainly on board. They asked almost daily if we can get another baby brother or sister. (as well as a kitten, but that's another story) They offered to share toys, and t hey offered to share the bunk bed. Months went by. I showed him file after file of precious children needing a family. Each file came and went, being eventually adopted by other families (thank God for that!) File after file, I finally gave up for awhile on the whole idea. But the feeling I had a daughter waiting came back with a vengance. It nagged, it tugged, it preocupied me constantly. I tried again. I prayed again. Finally, I opened a file of a precious little girl with a wry smile. She was 17 months old, from Shanghai, China. She was beautiful beyond words, insanely cute, and by all accounts mentally "smart" and physically healthy, save the fact she is missing her left hand. I scanned her file, and drew a deep breath when I saw her birthday- the same as my mother, who passed when I was 16. I felt a familiar stab of confirmation when God is trying to tell me something. (Coincidently, my daughter was born 8 minutes before the anniversary of my mother's passing) I showed her to my husband, who agreed she was adorable, but stopped short of saying "yes" to proceed. I prayed. A lot. I prayed that if God wanted me to do this, why wouldnt give my husband a willing heart to do the same? I also prayed for confirmation this was HIS will, not the will of me simply wanting a large family. The next moring was Sunday. The new pastor, who is wonderful, started to preach on the first chapter of James. When he got to the 27th verse he read aloud "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. " A shockwave jolted me when he read that, and I tears welled in my eyes. I asked for confirmation this was the path we were supposed to take, and I got it. After service I casually asked BIll if he noticed what verse was read in Church that morning. Without hesititation, he answered he had. oOf all the ones in the Bible, one of the most prominent addressing orphan care was read aloud. That night we discussed the prospect of a daughter, but did not come to a conclusion. In the morning on the table was a note from my beloved, saying that we should proceed. Prayers answered!
I began to jump on the paper chase like a racehorse out of the starting gate. 2 weeks into the paperchase, we are where we were about 4 -5 months into our son's paperchase. Mostly done! Thank God for this, and for prayers to get 100% finisihed asap. This adoption is completely "backwards" from our Son's, since we have a child first, and need to do all the paperwork second. For our son, the last piece of infmation we got was his Photo, and that he was indeed a boy, and he would be Elijah just as I felt God was telling me. In some ways, it makes the paperchase much more personal, but also more difficult because it's not just an anonymous child whose photo I am waiting for, I know her name, who she is, and that the FASTER i finish paperwork the sooner we will get her home. We had started with an adoption agency for our homestudy that I just didn't feel good about from day 1. They were non-responsive, unconcerned about timelines, and to boot the owner had a new BMW suv parked outside. (just sayin') I called another family owner agency, and after a few moments, the social worker said- oh, you're adopting from China special needs program?" ME- yes Her- So am I! Me- REally, how old? Her- 17 months! Me- Us too! What is his special need? Her- He's --missing his left hand---. I couldnt believe it! turns out she also has 2 othre kids same age as mine, and she's only a few months ahead of us in the adoption process. Amazing. I called the other agency and told them to shred my application.
So things have been going great. Please keep us in your prayers for a smooth paperchase, safe travel, and that our precious daugher can heal from a life of institutionalization. Please pray for continued enthusiasm for her adoption with all family members, most of all, that the Glory for adoption always goes to God, who orchestrates it all.

Here's our current timelines
- Tues Sept 27. Baby's file appears in inbox. Start to seriously pray! Family discussions ensue
-Friday - we find out they would need to know by tuesday Oct 4th if we would lock the file or not.
-SUnday- James 1:27
-Monday - More family discussion
-Tuesday-OCT 4th FILE LOCKED JJ went to get fingerprints for Cogent Bill went next day
Thurs oct 6th- 1st visit to madison adoption asosciates to drop off application
Tues oct 11 - get passport photos Get JJ fingerprint results.
Thurs oct 13- second visit to MAA for NJ child abuse clearances. Mail clearances to NJ Get Billl's fingerprint results from state.
Monday Oct 17th Fist homestudy viist scheduled.
To bE cont!!

Adoption video- finally!

I loved watching adoption day videos when we were in the process of waiting for Elijah's referral, and vowed to make one (some day!) when we adopted our own precious child. So, I'm a little behind but here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mqQK8C-ork

I hope families who are waiting (and those already home) enjoy this "slice of life" for Elijah's adoption and first year home!

One year Home

December 7th was the one year "gotcha day" for our family, and Dec. 30th was the day mommy and Elijah arrived beaten and exhausted and projectile vomiting in the detroit airport, narrowly missing the flight with the Amsterdam show bomber, thanks to God's hand on us. What a difference a year makes! Elijah is sitting with his sister laughing along to "Cars" video in the other room as I type, and daily hugs me and tells me "I love my family". Big sister has grown beautifully into her role, and know how to soothe her little brother when he's sad, holds his hand to cross the street (or even the room) and enjoys "teaching" him every little thing. I think she's a better sister than i ever was (sorry to my own brother!) Elijah is telling us lots of little stories, runs, jumps, and is extremely affectionate. We are blessed in so many ways. I am grateful to God that the half dozen or so books I devoured in the few short weeks between getting Elijah's referral photo, realizing we were about to adopt a toddler and not a baby, and freaking out about attachment disorder, then finally putting our trust in God and getting on that plane, have been stashed away sitting dusty on the shelf and mostly unused since their purchase- Elijah's bonding to us was as seemless as it could possibly have been. As parents, things were a little harder for us, now balancing 2 kids, 2 jobs, and a myriad of health issues with our new son. From day one, though, I knew we made the right decision. There are difficult days for us, but over time, the deep love of a parent for child grows daily. Elijah is truly our son. Just as a marriage is put together by God's hand, so is a family. We are excited to watch our family grow and see what the next year will bring.

Walk for Water

Our internet friends the Greer's (who adopted their son from Rwanda) are hosting a walk to raise funds for clean water for orphans in Rwanda. We plan on walking tomorrow and meeting our friends in person!
Check it out and lend your support to a very worthy cause-

http://four4-more.blogspot.com/

For a quick update on us- Elijah is thriving and getting more talkative every day. To say he and his sister are in love is an understatement. WE've had an awesome fun packed summer with day trips every friday with a friend of mine. We managed to hit sesame place, Ventnor beach, longwood gardens, the philly zoo, camden aquarium, hershey park, and finally we are planning a New York city get-away next week and will try and post pictures. Phew! We tried to make the most of the summer and I think we did our best! Elijah and his sister love day trips and helping mommy plan them. We gotta make up for lost time for him!
I can't belive his 1 yr "gotcha" day anniversary is only 2 months away. God has blessed us in amazing abundance.

See y'all tomorrow at the walk for water! God Bless!

Sweet 16 - 2009 Adoptions in Rwanda

http://adoption.state.gov/country/rwanda.html

I was just reading on state dept. web site about 2009 Rwanda adoptions. I knew we were one of the "pioneering" families to adopt from Rwanda, but I did not realize we were only one of 16 families in 2009 to bring home a precious child from Rwanda. Only 49 adoptions in the last 9 years have been documented from Rwanda. A very, very small number in a country with so many orphaned and abandoned children. While deep in the adoption process, several families including mine shared an email web-ring with each other in which every scrap of progress from the Rwandan governement, any tiny detail about paperwork, approvals, or updates was shared privately with each other. I lived, ate, and breathed Rwanda adoption news. Seemed like everyone was adopting from Rwanda! It really helped to make the wait easier and feel like we were all in this "together". It also was wonderful to hear news of so many adoptive families beginning their Rwandan adoption process. In the thick of things it seemed like so many people were adopting Rwandan children in need of families. But 49 in 9 years is a cold hard number. That is only about 30% of the 150 kids who were at the Home of Hope orphanage when Elijah was there. Some other adoptions are taking place from other countries but still the need far outweighs the number of eligible families. I want to encourage you if you are reading this blog to not be daunted by the small number of adoptions from Rwanda. We found the process smooth, professional, and with direct government oversite to help ensure the well being of the children. The kids are waiting for parents to love them. Only 16 parents came last year but 16 lives are changed forever. Don't wait any longer to begin your adoption journey and follow God's direction to care for orphans and the fatherless. The Home of Hope is truly a refuge for the orphans, no matter how simple it is. If you are looking for a way to help the orphans of Rwanda but are not in a position to adopt, I can say from personal experience the Home of Hope is in desperate need of clean water. As far as I know, almost every child adopted from HOH had giardia and other preventable water borne parasitic infections. (and the concurrent diarrhea & malnutrition) You can donate money directly to the Home of Hope and you know the money goes directly to the kids. There is no middle man, just Sister Gracias / Mother Superior. (in other words, your donation is in the best of hands)
It may have only been 16 kids, but I think of it as "sweet 16" for the families who are blessed with our new children and the children placed forever in families.

http://adoption.state.gov/country/rwanda.html

Elijah at Disney

Just wanted to post a quick photo of Elijah meeting Mickey mouse for the first time- this giant mickey was at the airport, but he immediately recognized him and said "mou mouse". I love this photo of him. It's stored in my mind right beside the one of my skinny, weak son in a dark room filled with baby's cries, wearing a threadbare dirty onesie at the orphanage. I don't ever want to take for granted how blessed we all are, or forget how our brothers and sisters across the world live. But what a happy time for all of us and a transformative 6 months this has been.

Happy 6 Month "anniversary" Elijah!

True religion is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
—James 1:27


Today marks 6 months since we first held Elijah in our arms at the home of home in Kigali. It was 5:30 in the afternoon, still day time, but the nursery was dark as that is the time they put the children down to bed. He reached his little arms right for me, then after I held him a few minutes, he reached right for Bill. He was unresponsive, no facial expressions, and didn't wimper or cry for several days. I touhght he might have been profoundly autistic, or worse. But we were prepared for the worst. What a difference 6 months can make. Fast forward to last week, when we took a family trip to Orlando, FL. A beautiful, laughing baby brother and his big sister enchanted by the Disney light parade, playing for hours in splash pools, riding dumbo the elephant around and around, singing along with the Tiki birds, wide eyed on the jungle ride, and capticated by nemo and friends. (He mimics the seagulls from nemo saying "mine-mine"- so cute) I could hardly wrap my mind around the life he led before becomming our son. While I am so humbled by God's great hand at work in Elijah's life and the life of our family, I was painfully aware of how many children -orphaned and not- who lack even basic necessities while we have access to so much and are so incredibly blessed. My heart ached for the children left behind even as it rejoiced for our family and the miraculous turn of events in the life of our beloved son. Elijah has absolutlely transformed in 6 short months. He speaks little sentences, tells us 2-3 word "stories" tries to sing along wtih his sister, eats well with his fork, counts 1-2-5 blast off!, and --in my opinion, is not only a completley "normal" child but I think he's exceptionally bright! (and I think he's left handed, just like mommy and daddy!) What a wonderful blessing he is to our family. We celebrated his sister's 3rd birthday on Saturday (I can't believe it's been 3 years- happy birthday my little angel!) It was a Dora themed extravaganza- and he was such a little "ray of sunshine" participating in the scavenger hunt, wearing his little dora backpack, tugging at the pinata, and loving the cake and "dinner". (He was a little freaked out by the costumed Dora, but so were most of the toddlers. oops. note to self, toddlers freaked out by giant costumed people. One concerned little boy asked-- mommy, does Dora go back into the cartoon after she comes to see us?)
Healthwise, Elijah is growing taller (1 and 3/4 inches in 6 months, that the ped is very happy with) and has put on 6 lbs in 6 months, but we were concerned at last week's pediatrician appt as he actaully lost 1 lb in 2 months. We noticed he is not as ravenously hungry as was in the past, but he's not supposed to lose weight. His stool has never quite been consistantly normal, but is does have more normal days than not. We have been giving him more milk, and he seems to be ok, but maybe we need to back off the dairy completely again and go back to soy. I wonder if other adoptive parents have has simlar growth stagnation periods? We are retesting his lead levels and also a full blood panel. Will update with results!

Looking forward- Who know about another adoption- Emilia told me she wants to "order a baby sister from Wanda so she and baby brother have a sister to play with." She wants her to "sleep in my bed since no one sleeps in my bed" (Emilia sleeps with us in the "big bed" along with Elijah some nights, but he gets squished and often asks to go to his crib) She even has a name- sister Patty. We'll see!
So I am sorry I have not blogged in a while but the adoption part of our story is over now- now it's just our family story. I will still keep updating though so people can see how he is progressing. I thank God every day for our son and pray other families will be called to adopt the children who were left behind and still awaiting their parents to come and bring them home. If you are considering adoption, there is no time like the present. What a difference a few short months can make in the life of a child. We have lived this expereince with our son and it is unlike any other. Seeing God grace and power -alive- in the life of a former orphan, now beloved son, is beyond words.